Friday, February 6, 2009
I'm just a little bit in love with myself.
Most people probably are (with themselves, not me). Think about it. Humor me.
What quality to you prize most in yourself... is it the main thing you look for in a mate?
I *can be* pretty damn funny ... at least the kind of funny that makes ME laugh. Sarcasm, goofiness, wit, self-depreciation and the mocking of others are abilities that attract me to a person.
I never raise my voice. I hate arguing, so in a conflict will always try to calmly talk things out. Unless I'm drunk. Then I try to calmly slur things out.
I will not be yelled at. I hate when people pick fights. It is an immediate deal breaker.
I possess confidence to the point of cockiness. I like that. I find insecurity and self doubt to be tedious to behold. Does that sound mean? I can be really mean too.
Which brings me to the other side of my afternoon ramble. There are things I despise about myself ...
The capacity for being mean to the point of cruel is one of them. I can gauge exactly what to say to make someone furious, or just break down in tears. If provoked enough, I let it rip without remorse (at the time). It is really unnecessary – and hard to make amends for. People like me are ticking time bombs. Nasty business. Steer clear.
I never think I'm wrong. Even if I am. I will consciously strain to appear gracious when proven otherwise ... but it's a facade. I still think I'm right ...
I have a real hard time talking about my feelings. As if opening up like that would be a sign of weakness. I know in my head that it's ridiculous, but still can never get the right words out at the right time. I admire people who can put themselves out there and be open. I have a few close friends who are like that, maybe it will rub off one day.
I know all this sounds obvious... of course you are attracted to good qualities but are turned off by the not-so-good ... but my point is a little more than that.
I think we look to better ourselves with the people we associate with. Especially a significant other. Commonalities are amplified when you are together; be it making jokes, or civil debates, or drinking more and smoking more. You unconsciously, or maybe consciously, are drawn to someone who isn't just like you ... but a better version of you.