Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Personal paradox

I used to consider myself a paradox.

I looked the part of "feminine" but had the vocabulary of a trucker and knew more about cars than the majority of my ex boyfriends.

But as I found myself settling into a happy and healthy relationship I noticed my "feminine" qualities became more pronounced.

I suddenly enjoyed cooking (a little bit) lusted after gardens full of flowers and found myself dreaming of very shiny rocks.

And as I discovered these "changes" in my likes and dislikes... I couldn't help but wonder if I'd always felt that way but never wanted anyone to know.

Because I'd always hoped to be different. Less ordinary.
I wanted to prove gender stereotypes wrong and show the world that I wasn't into flowers and jewelry because there was more to me than just that.

But somewhere along the way, he showed me that it was okay to be me, in every way.

I could still troubleshoot my car problems and support myself financially with a vase of tulips on my nightstand.

Because my feminine characteristics were no longer a contradiction to the woman I wanted to be.

They were a part of the real me.
Both ordinary and extraordinary simultaneously.

And perhaps that... was the paradox.


Chrissie said...

have you ever fought your more "ordinary" attributes because you didn't want to fall into any stereotypes?

Yuki said...

I'm not quite the same as you, I don't think. I'm not quite feminine (t-shirts and jeans and no make-up - it's all good) but I have sort-of feminine tendencies. I can cook, and I can cook well, but I can also own in most video games and I'm not perfectly clueless about cars and guns.

And admittedly, since I started dating my boyfriend, I've softened some. Changed out those raggy khaki cargo pants for jeans that fit better. Agreed to be affectionate, for once. Backed down because no confrontation was needed. I still have no use for flowers and jewelry, though.

People are all different, all individuals, and I've found that those gender lines are much more blurred than anyone would want to believe.

Sten said...

I think it's interesting how "I can cook" is such a "feminine" characteristic. Most of the guys I've dated are far better cooks than I am.

I'm a scotch drinking, cigar smoking, video game playing, golf loving, baseball fanatic who hates to wear anything other than heels.

Stereotypes are for cartoon characters and porno plots.

The key is to own what you are. Be proud of it, and then you find someone who thinks it's the perfect package.