Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I used to consider myself a paradox.
I looked the part of "feminine" but had the vocabulary of a trucker and knew more about cars than the majority of my ex boyfriends.
But as I found myself settling into a happy and healthy relationship I noticed my "feminine" qualities became more pronounced.
I suddenly enjoyed cooking (a little bit) lusted after gardens full of flowers and found myself dreaming of very shiny rocks.
And as I discovered these "changes" in my likes and dislikes... I couldn't help but wonder if I'd always felt that way but never wanted anyone to know.
Because I'd always hoped to be different. Less ordinary.
I wanted to prove gender stereotypes wrong and show the world that I wasn't into flowers and jewelry because there was more to me than just that.
But somewhere along the way, he showed me that it was okay to be me, in every way.
I could still troubleshoot my car problems and support myself financially with a vase of tulips on my nightstand.
Because my feminine characteristics were no longer a contradiction to the woman I wanted to be.
They were a part of the real me.
Both ordinary and extraordinary simultaneously.
And perhaps that... was the paradox.