Monday, February 23, 2009

Sign language


They say a woman's intuition is her best weapon against infidelity.

But a quick look at the "Sign's He/She is Cheating" list, brings a bunch of tangible evidence you'd like to ignore into the foreground of your relationship.

There are apparently at least 180 signs, but we won't get into ALL of them!Link
So here are the first 7 SIGNS YOUR DATING A CHEAT

1. Your intuition tells you something is wrong.

2. You notice inconsistencies in what he tells you. Maybe those little white lies are something to worry about after all.

3. Lack of intimacy. He's less interested in conversing with you and more interested in the TV.

4. Lack of sex. A person only has so much stamina.

5. He doesn't invite you to social gatherings or get-togethers.

6. You discover secret email accounts that he keeps hidden and refuses to show you

7. You notice a strange number in his cell phone and he denies or lies about who it is.

It's pretty obvious that these signs point to something being wrong with your relationship, but are they always evidence of cheating? Could her sudden interest in her wardrobe or new taste in music be clues as well?

I think men have an easier time confronting their partner's with the evidence, as women are perpetually trying to avoid the idea that they're "crazy jealous" and so they might ignore the signs and keep mum until it's too late.

But what do YOU think...

What are the tell-tale signs you have a cheating partner and what's the best way to confront them?

9 comments:

Sten said...

You know something is wrong when he stops looking at you like you're the prettiest girl in the room ... which to me, is a hundred times worse than the inevitable break up.

A less subtle hint is when his ex comes up to you in a bar and tells you they're back together and thought you should know.

Mohawk said...
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Colin said...

Here's where these first seven are just crap:

1. Your intuition tells you something is wrong.
If you're an obsessive pain in the ass, your intuition is always telling you that something is wrong. My ex was like this. She was so insecure in her self image that she always thought that I'd cheat on her. I never did. She had so many "gut feelings" that I was, however, that I started to wonder why I shouldn't. After all, I was being accused of it.

2. You notice inconsistencies in what he tells you. Maybe those little white lies are something to worry about after all.

Or, it could just be that he doesn't want you nosing your way into ever single aspect of his life at that point in your relationship. Have you both, as adults, reached the point in the relationship where you start sharing in everything? I don't think that really happens until you get to the point where you start buying the engagement ring. "Who was that who just called?" shouldn't have to be answered with a dissertation on how it was an old friend who at one time, 10 years ago, you took out on a date but realized you were better friends than partners. "Just a friend" isn't a little white lie. It's the short answer which is bound to cause fewer hangups at that point in the relationship.


3. Lack of intimacy. He's less interested in conversing with you and more interested in the TV.

It's called Football/Hockey/Baseball/Basketball ladies, and no matter how much you want to tell us how that bitch from accounting gave you the stink eye yet again and then ramble on for a half hour about how the office would be soooo much better if you were in charge, we aren't going to peel our eyes away from those 47" of HD goodness and risk missing a highlight reel worthy play just so you can dish to us for the 1,000,000th time.

4. Lack of sex. A person only has so much stamina.

Yep! We do only have so much stamina. And after a while, it starts to fade no matter what we do. Of course, your decision to not go to the gym ever probably isn't helping the situation either. That's not even taking into account the fact that you might just be a total bore in the sack. My "first" was like a cold, dead fish. Luckily I had another girlfriend not much later that I couldn't get enough of.

5. He doesn't invite you to social gatherings or get-togethers.

Alright, if he's making you stay at home like a leper, then chances are there's something majorly wrong with your relationship and he's just trying to get away from it. It doesn't mean he's cruising the strip for hookers or easy scores. He's probably playing poker with his buddies or down at the local bar bitching about you to anyone who will listen. Definite relationship issue sign, but it doesn't mean he's cheating.


6. You discover secret email accounts that he keeps hidden and refuses to show you


What the hell are you doing snooping around his e-mail accounts? You're dating/engaged/married but that doesn't mean you should go snooping around. I've got accounts that my fiancee isn't privy to. They are business accounts that contain sensitive figures for my clients and my business and it's partners. NOBODY sees those except me.


7. You notice a strange number in his cell phone and he denies or lies about who it is.


Again, are you so freaking insecure about yourself that you'll go looking through his phone for strange numbers? It could be business partners. If he's from my neck of the woods it could be that he works for the government and just can't talk about it. I had this issue with the crazy insecure ex as well.

Sure, they may be signs that your s/o and you have some serious issues to work out or just call it quits over. But none of these, not even in combination, are proof-positive that he/she is cheating on you.

Now, if you see his car parked at some hotel/motel in the day time, he's cheating on you. If condoms are missing from the household stash and you haven't been using them and you don't have teenage kids, he's probably cheating on you. If you find some other woman's underwear in your laundry, he's cheating on you.

Sten said...

Aw :) Good points. I second on the "baseball" thing.

As for the stamina thing ... and that wearing down "no matter what you do" ... beware gents – while there is no excuse for cheating, a woman (and man) needs to feel wanted and desired. If you go long enough without some physical contact from your lover, the eye tends to wander.

Anonymous said...

I love how colin ripped apart chrissie's reasons, then gave his own signs of cheating, which can equally be misinterpreted. "Now, if you see his car parked at some hotel/motel in the day time, he's cheating on you."

yes. unless someone borrowed his car. Or unless he took on a day job cleaning hotel rooms but was too embarrassed to tell you.

I'd go with my intuition, coupled with evidence he's lying, and the last straw (end of sex), before I start looking for his car in motel/hotel parking lots.

but that's just me.

Sten said...

That's the thing - any action (or lack there of) can be misinterpreted. And. hell - the site Chrissie is referencing quote 180 different signs ... how many of them can ACTUALLY be concrete?

Even your "gut" can be skewed because of past experience.

rob said...

i think these "signs" are indicative of a souring relationship more than anything else. and if the relationship has gone bad, who really cares about the cheating? the cheating is just a symptom, not the disease. cure the disease, and the symptoms will disappear.

that said, there are plenty of people in very healthy relationships out there who, for whatever reason, also cheat. but i don't think they display the same "signs" as the diseased-relationship people do. instead, they display MORE affection... they have MORE sex... and they're also likely to change their masturbatory habits, and try extra hard to hide these changes from you (this i read in that sperm wars book).

so be aware of fluctuations in the masturbatorial habitry.

Sten said...
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Colin said...

I wasn't ripping apart Chrissie's points, merely the points from whatever source she got. She clearly seemed to also think that they were a bit less than concrete as well.

As for your take on the "car outside the motel" bit there anon, you're stretching a bit with that one. I can only speak for myself and those whom I know very well, but I've never seen anyone loan their car to a friend (a family member, sure, but a friend?) and you'd be better off working at a starbucks for extra cash than you would cleaning motel rooms. Not to mention you'd wind up with fewer diseases....

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