Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Love is a choice

While little girls are taught from the earliest of ages to find Prince Charming or to settle for nothing less than their "soul mate," I can't help but wonder if we're setting them up for disaster and inevitable disappointment.

Because maybe love isn't about finding "the one."
Or even "getting lucky" as your desires intertwine with timing and everything feels perfect.

Maybe love is a choice.

Maybe love is choosing what isn't easy over what is.
Maybe love is choosing this grass over that meadow in spite of which side seems greener.

And yet we're taught to never settle, in any capacity. That settling is just the beginning of the end because we deserve better.

But what if we choose to love this life. This moment. This relationship.

We could then decide to sow our present garden. To work the land and plant the things we want in our future instead of coveting what we lost or know we'll never have.

Because if we really choose love...
Who knows how green our grass may become.


Chrissie said...

Do you think love is choosing to work on this instead of hoping for that?

Some may argue that there are a million people with whom we could create happy relationships... but if that's true then isn't love choosing one person over another? Or at the very least, choosing to work at what you've got rather than look for something better???

Sten said...

I think that when it's right it isn't CONSTANT work. Sure, you have to put effort in, but when you really love some one it doesn't feel like work, and it simply doesn't occur to you to just give up.

veronica said...

i couldn't agree more sten!

Sten said...

Of course, I've never met a man I couldn't give up on :)

Yuki said...

Amen, sister!

I get so infuriated when girls my age whine about being unable to find a "good man" after leaving perfectly good boyfriends for jerks for no reason beyond "Oh, I just didn't feel in love anymore." Every single time I hear something like that, I get the urge to hurt something.

I have to partly disagree with Sten. Sometimes love can be constant work. Sometimes it's supporting one another through tough times and tough things when you're suffering enough already. Sometimes you just want to give up on everything and everyone. Sometimes you wonder if you'd be better off alone. Sometimes something big comes between you, or there's a fundamental schism in beliefs. To go through with the daily slog of loving and caring for someone anyway, throughout those selfish (and sometimes reasonably selfish) times...I don't know if it's love or perhaps OCD.

Of course, if it's one-sided work, or if there's just too much difference from the start, perhaps it's best to seek out greener pastures, after all.