Friday, April 3, 2009
There is a huge epidemic that is being ignored. Apparently women over 25 develop time-keeping growths in their uterus... yet there is no surgical help available to these poor women.
Horrific I know.
Imagine walking around like you have a clock ticking in your core ... you can't sleep... can't even think over the endless clicks every second. And the worst part? I'm 28 ... so I MUST have one, but I don't feel it at all!
Why don't I hear it like so many of my friends? Maybe it's drowned out by the time bomb in my lungs, or the miniature Sumo wrestler bouncing on the scotch-filled water balloon that is my liver.
This is all new to me ... so I don't really understand how it works... except that I have a certain amount of time to get married and have children until ... um... well ... that part is fuzzy.
What is the countdown for exactly? Infertility? The magical time when I finally won't look like a crime scene once a month? Cause I'm not sure why women dread that. I guess the next time I'm doubled-over in crampy pain I should praise the lord for punishing me for being a constant sin-encourager to weak-willed men.
Poor dears. I am an evil temptress.
And really, if you want offspring so badly after your clock runs out of batteries you can always adopt. There are starving children in Connecticut in desperate need of a home where you can purchase beer after 8:00 at night.
Talk about being against a clock.