Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Top 10 reasons he's not the guy for you (from my personal experience)

#1 You don't really have anything to talk about.
Maybe the sex is great, but you can't hold a conversation to save your life. I once dated a guy for a while, but there never was much to say. We went to two out-of-town weddings together and I dreaded both car rides. Roadway signs never seemed so fascinating as when I was stuck in the car with that guy ...

#2 There's no passion.
Maybe the conversation is OK, but staying with him is like a 8 year old's sleepover (not the Michael Jackson variety) I had a boy once for 6 months... the last two of which we were just buddies hanging out. If one or both of you are lacking that desire, there's a problem.

#3 He doesn't look at you like you're the prettiest girl in the room anymore.
I was once out with a guy and he leaned in close like he was going to kiss me or whisper something sweet ... then he told me I should think about trimming my nose hairs. We didn't last long after that.

#4 You don't see eye-to-eye on what's important.
You don't have to agree about everything, in fact, it can be fun getting into a heated debate — but you really should agree on what matters most to you. (Religion, children, politics, board games ...)

#5 He doesn't make or keep plans with you.
I once dated a guy that made it really difficult to find times to see each other, then, often, when we made plans, he'd cancel. He was still seeing his "ex."

#6 He's got that wandering eye.
There's something exciting about nabbing the most charismatic guy in the room ... but not if he's being charismatic with every one but you.

#7 You can't open up to each other.
I've dating a few guys that I like a lot, but never felt comfortable confiding in, or even discussing how I felt about them (mushy OR mad). If you're in a relationship, you should feel like you can tell them anything.

#8 You both constantly keep track of "who owes who."
Whether it's money or favors, you should do something for some one because you want to, not because you want something in return. On the other hand, don't take advantage of each other.

#9 You don't make each other laugh.
I dated a guy for 2 years that didn't think I was funny. That was horrible. Go for the one that makes you smile, and that you make smile. Then you'll be smiling together.

#10 He tries to change you.
We're all fixer-uppers, true, but how can you be happy with some one if you're hiding who you really are and what you really want?
I smoke. I drink scotch. I love comic books, video games and bad superhero movies. Sometimes I fart and I wear high heels to walk in the park. I am ridiculous, silly and sometimes rude. I laugh at my own jokes and am a terrible loser. And finally, after 14 years of dating, I'm happy about all of that, hopefully he is too.


Bunny said...

Being comfortable being yourself while being together is all important... I just realized that one of my guy friends of 3+ years? All that time knowing each other and I'm not at ease being myself around him, because he still seems to grade me on what I do and say when we're together. Which I see as a reflection of his own paranoia and insecurity about how *he* appears, but it's still pretty messed up.

Sten said...

A lot of what I posted could apply to friendships as well. It's almost more important to "be yourself" around your friends.

Chrissie said...

i'm glad i'm not the only gal who wears high heels in the park!

but i think the part about finding someone who appreciates your humor is VERY important. i'd much rather say "he thinks i'm funny!" than "he thinks i'm pretty!"

Mohawk said...

ive got the wandering eye but then again i was blessed with hands that arent led by my eyes. i think looking for both parties is healthy. You should be like buddies as well, you cant expect a relationship to last more than a year based on sexuality alone. plus that would reinforce the idea of old people humping like bunnies and frankly, id rather not go there... ever. of course the only time i want a girl to try and change me is when im 90 and soil myself.

Other than that i agree with your analysis.

Toughguy said...


Sten said...

Well ... you do make me laugh.

The Retropolitan said...

Wait, which one of these guys was me?