Friday, May 15, 2009

Who is this whale and where is my girlfriend??

How do you tell your girlfriend she's getting fat? (Without making her want to kill you OR herself.)
Is there even a way?
I've had guy friends ask me this and there's never really been a good answer.

Suggestions I usually give that they should use:
Suggest you go to the gym together.
Plan to hike (or another fun active date) a couple times a week.
Cook healthy meals together.

Suggestions I want to give that they shouldn't use:
"Honey I miss your neck, could you get rid of a couple extra chins?"
"You have the arms of a jumbo jet, but you're not going anywhere!"
"Can I use your rolls to file my bills?"

No matter what you say, the person is going to be hurt and offended. Except... most of us are prone to gaining "comfort weight" when in a relationship. You got the prize, right? They'll love you no matter what, right?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe YOU won't be so happy with so much "extra you" rolling around in the shower, inadvertently cleaning the slippery tile walls with your spongy hull.
Don't drop the soap, Titanic ... you'll never be able to get back up.

I gotta tell you, I've stacked on at least 10 lbs. of "comfort" .... which is, in fact, more comfortable to sit on, but harder to lift off the couch. And before I have to use Andre the Giant's shoe horn to get me into my Toyota, maybe I need a kick in the gelatinous mass that is my money maker ....

Maybe it IS OK to let your lover know there's starting to be "more to love" ... for their own good. For their happiness and health. Not because you just got done drooling over the Olsen twins ... which really, only dogs drool over bones that have no meat (right before they bury them in the backyard) ... but because you love them, and think that they would want the push be heathly.

But try the first three suggestions first ... and of course, I'd love to hear some others ...


Jared said...

Well let's be honest, everyone who gets fat knows full well they are fat. So when you find that oh so delicate way of telling a SO that they are getting fat, what you are really saying is "I want you to lose weight for me."

If someone isn't motivated by the million reasons to lose weight independent of what their SO thinks of them, that is their issue. It shouldn't come down to an implicit threat of losing the relationship.

Sten said...

I'm not talking about dumping the blubber butt. Or an ultimatum ... nobody responds well to those.

Most people's self esteem is linked to how they look, and I would think it's easier to do something about your weight if you have some support and encouragement.
It's like quitting smoking ... you never do it for yourself.

Jared said...

Ok, fine, but I don't think the other person should be the first one to bring it up.

Bunny said...

But if you don't do it for yourself, what's the point?

I've had new agents who against all standards and counsel don't make appointments, don't keep to a meeting schedule, and don't study their materials. They can handle their business how they care to, but the minute they complain about not making any money? I'm free to point out what behaviors and habits ought to change to affect their income to the positive... even so, they have to be the ones to get themselves going, because in the end, it's for their own livelihood. I still get paid whether or not they do.

And so it is with my fat ass. If I start to bitch about my clothes not fitting, if I whine constantly that I feel fat, if my doctor's put me on meds that no 20-something should be taking, if I'm winded climbing stairs or even just from exfoliating, well... then maybe it's a good time to suggest we go hiking, or remind me that I am in fact paying for a gymn membership, or tell me where you're buying your local, organic whole foods.

But if I'm smiling and confident and healthy and don't give a rat's? Neither should anyone else, unless I ask for help.

I have a mirror in my own house, thank you very much, and I've never much understood those people who love to point out the obvious- that I look tired, that I have a giant zit on my face, or that I now have a muffintop...

Mohawk said...

just plan more activity and healthier eating. ask them if they want to tag along and if they want to try some etc..

making it about you rather than them removes the defensive mechanisms associated.

if that doesnt work you could always roofie their drink then get them lipo

The Retropolitan said...

My ex did the "let's go to the gym together" thing. I saw through it. She also once said, "Hey, your hips! It's been a while since I've seen those."

We are no longer together.

General Viagra said...

Thanks for the advise. I know that I don't have the gift to tell with sensibility something to my girlfriend. but I think that the advise to go together to the gym is great.

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