Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Better to have loved?
I go see a lot of movies.
Something about sitting in a dark room and watching imaginary people's lives unfold speaks to the creepy voyeur in me.
Once in a while, I am more than entertained or even impressed ... but moved. And, rarely does that come from an animated feature. But Pixar's Up nearly (that was a nearly) brought tears to my eyes, and has stayed with me days after viewing it.
I won't give anything away, but the very beginning plays out the life of the main character, only truly starting the story after he is an old grumpy man. But before doing so, we get glimpses of his happy existence with his wife, the love of his life, and his utter devastation when hers ends.
I really almost cried. Just the thought of building an entire lifetime around someone — then losing them and trying to find a reason to go on is beyond my shallow, wise-cracking being. I composed myself, of course, since it would ruin my reputation to be seen misty-eyed during a Disney movie of all things, (even though the Pixar label elevates the feature astronomically). Then I look over at Toughguy, who I love with all my shallow, wise-cracking heart, and experienced a momentary terror.
What if we really make it in the long run, then I lose him? Even at this point, I can't imagine life without him. (Who would keep track of my car keys?)
Is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all?
I don't believe that you have to have a permanent partner to enjoy a full life of adventure and happiness, but maybe it makes it all that much more precious to have shared those experiences with one special person.
When my grandfather died, I remember watching my grandma and wondering how she'd handle living without the man she'd spent over 60 years with. I wondered, but never asked. She passed away a year ago, and I know for a fact she maintained an active social life with plenty of friends ... but did it still feel empty?
I'd like to think the pain of his loss was worth that over 60-year-long marriage. But I guess I'll never know for sure unless I go through it myself.