Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A good marriage

We're taught from a very young age that a good marriage is made of a few necessary ingredients...

1. Love
2. Respect
3. Monogamy

While I can't argue the importance of love and respect, I find it hard to determine the true importance of "exclusivity" when it comes to living happily ever after.

The divorce rate indicates that many don't take their vows seriously as "Til death do us part" holds true for only half of couples who declare those words in front of their nearest and dearest.

So why do we put so much emphasis on the vow to "forsake all others?"

Can we not love and respect someone, while we simultaneously want someone else?

And if we've altered the institution of marriage to sneak into it with the idea of divorce as a viable option and with premarital "fun" practiced by most...

Why do we still hold our partners to the chain of monogamy when we let these other things slide?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Open door policy

When I was a little kid, I was a master at holding a grudge.

If my older sister stole my dessert or got me in trouble, I could spend days on end not talking to her as a result.

I'd mope and be dramatic, hoping that she'd realize the error of her ways and never do it again.

But, all these years later, I realize I wasn't aiding her in admitting fault...

My silence only helped her find me more irritating.

And so, it should be no surprise that the teasing didn't cease, and the desserts still came up missing.

Because all my drama-queen actions taught my older sister, was that I wasn't that likable after all.

My stubbornness distanced us time and time again, building a wall between us until only quiet remained.

Looking back, I wish I'd thought to share my frustration with her so things would have been different.

And instead of finding ourselves standing on opposite ends of a vastly quiet expanse...

Perhaps we would have simply been on opposite sides of an already open door.

Monday, September 14, 2009

17 Again

It seems I turned 27 and suddenly look 17.

I've been ID'd so many times in the last few weeks that I'm convinced I'm getting younger rather than older as time passes.

I was ID'd 3 times at the same wedding.
And I've been ID'd for alcohol... every single time I try to purchase.

But the day I questioned the eyesight of those in charge was the day I got ID'd for ENTRY TO THE MALL where patrons must be 18-years-old in order to shop their allowances away.

While it is sometimes flattering, my issue comes with the obvious lack of respect some people seem to have for us "kids." They assume that since we're young, we lack the experience necessary to be treated like human beings.

For example...

This passed weekend I was poked fun of at a comedy club for not being "old enough to remember when TVs didn't have remotes or what it was like to change the channel with a wrench."

Sure, I might not be old enough, but I was certainly POOR enough to know.

My early 20's were spent with a TV older than my parents because that was all I could afford.

Forget not having a remote, my gem of an entertainment center was so archaic that the volume-down button TURNED THE TELEVISION OFF.

As someone who has supported herself for nearly a decade, purchased her own college education (and base model Chevy Cobalt) I'd like to be treated like an adult while I'm out in the world because I don't ask for hand outs and no one pays my rent but me.

Of course that's a lot to explain to the store clerks or mall cops.

And so at this point in my life I'm almost looking forward to the day I'll have a wrinkle or two.

Because at least by then my tiny, dry lines will be the only proof I'll need in order to gain a little respect.

And the ID can finally stay at home.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Balancing act

There comes a time in every relationship where the lines of our individuality blend too softly with the perimeter of "us."

It's a time when our daily adventures and day-to-day mis-adventures are no longer solo acts, but instead a balancing act, where we put our relationship "above all else." It takes precedence over our family and friendly relationships, sometimes our careers or at times our plans for further education.

It seems that as the relationship becomes more serious, the risks of letting the other person down become greater.
And so we climb the ladder together until we have no fear of falling whatsoever.

And yet, as we climb together, always relying on our partner's strength rather than our own... we run the risk of wearing them out. Eventually, our dual expectancies will become so commonplace that all we can see in our future is the places we've already been... together.

Because instead of strengthening our bond, we simply wear it out with too much familiarity.

The balance between togetherness and time apart becomes a tight rope act.
Stretched between the past and the future.
Stretched between two people, who can't help but fall if they find nothing else to hold onto.