Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Older Man

Dating an older (slightly) man can be very exciting in the beginning. You get to enjoy all the benefits of a boyfriend, without all the complexities that the usual 20-something male is suffering through.

You get to date a guy whose quarter-life-crisis is over, a guy who dated enough to know that he wants YOU and no one else.

And while it's great in the beginning, finding permanent balance with an older man can make things tricky after a while.

The 25-35 ratio doesn't cause too much friction, after all, you're both adults but not too set in your ways to not make a go of it.

But, only 5 years later, you may find yourself in a different situation.

One where you want to go back to grad school, and he wants children. He's 40 after all, how much longer can you make him wait?

Or perhaps, he was 35 and single, because he never wanted kids anyway, and now at 30, your biological clock is ticking away and your partner is nearing middle age and has no interest in starting a family.

The funny thing with a 10-year age gap however, is that just when things get complicated, you meet again, in a similar place. 45 and 55 finds you with similar wants and desires, early retirement, both slightly wrinkled and content to spend more time at home than out on the town, so you can relax again.

And stop growing up together, while simply growing old together instead.

Do you think there is ever an age-gap that is too big to tackle?


vanessa said...

My husband & I have an 8 year age gap and sometimes to me, it doesn't seem like its enough!! He still has a tendency to be selfish and slef-centered after doing whatever he wanted for 33 years (basically). But after 5 years of "growing up" together & a wedding, we're finally at a point where I feel like we're on the same path.

Its funny. After being in a relationship for 5 years and living together, you dont think much will change after marriage. But it does. You feel more grounded, safe, confident. Suddenly you have this support, this cheerleader, while although there before, feels even better because you know in your heart of hearts that they arent going anywhere, and neither are you. Makes you feel like you can tackle the world.

And who says you cant do grad school and family?

Chrissie Williams said...

ahhh vanessa... i learned long ago not to equate "older" with "maturity."


Anthony said...


I don't think there is an age gap that is too big to tackle. My father is 16 years older than my mother, and next year they will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary.

Meanwhile, for several years now I have been dating people close to me in age (within 4 years of my age generally), and I can't seem to find the person who fits with me.

My point is that regardless of age gap, a long-lasting healthy relationship is the product of two people who just happen to fit together. Sometimes there is just no explanation for it.