Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dinner party

It was a success.

Wine poured into matching glasses, laps covered in cloth napkins, and a meal from scratch (except the salad dressing).

I had timed it perfectly and even found a moment for fresh flowers as the centerpiece-- which were called "very pretty" at least once.

But it seemed I was too concerned with dinner's outcome and consequently said much less than usual.

Distracted by the possibility of burning dinner for four, I ran to the kitchen when I might have preferred to stay and chat.

I joined the conversation, politely answering questions, curbing my usually foul mouth into one that wears lipstick instead.

And it was a success.

Until the empty house gave me the quiet freedom to wonder.

To wonder if they were impressed by me, or my meal.
To wonder if they thought I was someone I'm not.

A woman who just cooks. Who just spends time in the kitchen.
A woman whose contributions amount to full bellies and warm thank yous.

A woman who isn't actually me.

But the one I gave to them instead.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I do

The things I don't miss about dating, and a few things I do...


1. The mixed signals.
He says he is just wants something casual, but he still calls everyday (in the afternoon).

2. The game of check mate.
Dinner was great, but who has to pay?

3. Feeling crazy.
Asking yourself if you're sending too many text messages feels crazy, even when it's OK.


1. Flip flops.
It's amazing what our hearts/stomachs can do when the person we are falling for enters the room.

2. Spices.
Variety can be nice-- and never boring.

3. Falling
The in love part is nice, but the descent is something to remember.

What do you or don't you miss?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


It's not that difficult to find someone in their early to mid-twenties who claims that marriage is a farce and they plan to spend their lives as a bachelor or bachelorette.

You can usually trace their bitterness... I mean realism... back to one particular event.

Perhaps it's their parent's divorce or their breakup from whom they thought was the one.

Either way, they have reason to paint a negative portrait of a committed life and will likely laugh at your supposed happy relationship.

Just wait they say.
Just wait until you really know the person.

And yet... perhaps that's what we should be saying to them.

Just wait.
Just wait until someONE comes along and tests your boundaries.
Just wait until someONE says they want to be with you forever (and actually means it).
(However transient the meaning of forever ends up being, in the moment they say it, its definition is finite).

Because eventually our bitterness transforms into hypocrisy... whether we expect it to or not.

And where we once entertained our friends with our negative outlook on love, we suddenly bore them with our happiness instead.

Have you wavered on your previous views on marriage/relationships? And if so... what was the turning point?