Thursday, February 25, 2010

A time to settle

Is it better to be alone, or to settle?

That is the question answered by THIS woman and not in a way most would expect.

Rather than encourage women to hold out for their knight in shining armor, she suggests that they lower their expectations (notice, I did not say standards) in order to find Mr. Good-Enough.

It seems that our expectations for "only the best" sometimes leave us alone for longer than we'd like.

And while I once agreed, that a life alone would be better than a life with Mr. Almost-Soul-Mate, with each year that passes, I change my tune.

Not because I think I'm settling in my present relationship, but because I see the struggle that most single women go through on their never-ending search for "the one."

When their dates end in disaster, they either blame themselves or add yet another attribute to their list of "necessary qualities" in a mate.

While I wouldn't advise them to stay with a man they were repulsed or offended by, I think in time, they may come to realize, that being married and starting a family isn't exactly glamorous and most always far from perfect.

And if a woman wants these things in her future, she just might need to lower her height expectations when looking for a partner and open her mind a little more than her eyes.

Because the man she eventually chooses won't be just a mate, but a father as well.

And "passion and fire" aren't exactly qualities that scream, "stable and loving."

They tend to describe men who want more from life.

More fun. More experiences.

And maybe, more than one woman.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I'm not the sort of gal to care about my man's glossy magazine favorites. I consider my Cosmo an R rated version of his X rated picks, and so he's more or less entitled.

However, upon looking at the latest issue of Maxim, I was at first amused that the chick from Big Bang Theory was on the cover, and then appalled at one of the article topics.

"Cheat and don't get caught! Women tell you how."

Um. Seriously? It's one thing to broadcast the ways we caught someone being adulterous, but it's quite another to give otherwise good guys a HOW-TO-MANUAL on the subject.

Here's their ideas and how I debunked them.

1. "Make your girl a guy."
By this they mean... change the contact info for your lover in your phone so your "psycho" (and um... ACCURATE) wife/girlfriend doesn't wonder why you're texting Jane Doe in the other room at all hours of the day (and night). If she thinks it's John Doe, you're in the clear.

DEBUNKED: Even if this works while you're in a relationship, some day down the line, when you meet a real person by the name of Jane (or John) you just might accidentally invite your old flame out for drinks instead of your new friend. (This. Happens).

2. "Hackproof your life."
This is where they tell you to create an entirely different online persona in order to carry out your affair, complete with new email address, screen name, and passwords.

DEBUNKED: Wanna know the EASIEST way to lose your relationship? Oh! That's right... it's having a SECRET LIFE on the side.

3. "Always be reachable."
The idea is to always answer the phone or text back, regardless of your circumstances so as not to cause suspicion.

DEBUNKED: Certain activities make it impossible to answer the phone. These are the very activities you're hoping to partake in by cheating. Good luck with this one.

4. "Take it to the grave."
Ah yes... the old "don't tell anyone advice." If only you know then no one will find out!

DEBUNKED: Unless you're REALLY bad at cheating, chances are you aren't the ONLY one involved. You may never know when/if your indiscretions will come back to haunt you.

5. "Choose wisely"
This is where the EXperts at Maxim advise you to choose your lover with some sense, to ensure that they don't go crazy and tell your significant other about your other life.

DEBUNKED: You never know what people you love are capable of, let alone the people you don't even like enough to have a real relationship with.

6. "Don't date your fling."
Apparently, you aren't allowed to take your fling out for dinner because that means you have "bigger issues."

DEBUNKED: Those "bigger issues" are called feelings. And, you can't fight them off no matter how hard you try.

7. "Don't overcompensate."
They advise would-be cheaters to never be "too nice" to their significant other after doing the deed with someone insignificant. All those homemade meals are signs you're feeling guilty.

DEBUNKED: If you're feeling guilty enough to become the next Emeril in the kitchen or buy her some new diamond jewelry, maybe she's worth holding onto after all. That guilt isn't just something to overcompensate for, it is a sign that you're doing something WRONG.

Your opinion? Good advice or a reason to cancel his subscription?

Friday, February 12, 2010

The consequences of nesting

It seems the "happier" I am the less witty I become as well.

Where I once couldn't determine what fantastical experience I wanted to share in an animated, metaphorical way, now I find myself bombarded with a bunch of half-baked ideas and a habit of Googling real recipes instead.

After a cup of coffee (or 3) the metaphor peaks its caffeinated head and begins by comparing men to a nice cut of beef...

And then all of a sudden I'm fantasizing about a roasted sirloin tip with a balsamic demi glaze instead of Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome.

I used to write posts about my tiny apartment and how it was more than just a space to live, it was an extension of my independence. But now, similar ideas manifest themselves in a trip to and fantasies about decorating my new (shared) home. Instead of embracing solitude, I'm finding patterns that compromise femininity with a more masculine approach.

Is this what nesting is?
Am I destined to become a mom, a quilter, a woman who looks forward to the Fourth of July Flag cake more than the inevitable margaritas?!
Will my writing suffer a similar fate to my 12th grade love of painting with watercolors-- old posts and columns collecting dust in the basement because the room they were once displayed in becomes a nursery?!

Perhaps (like everyone else) I could blame twitter and status updates for my creative demise.
I could say that because all of my wittiness and talent is suddenly summed up into 140 characters or less that I've forgotten how to embellish, how to tell a real story.

So instead, I twit my best lines and look at food p0rn rather than compare men to my favorite late night snack. I fill my drafts with the first half of a metaphor and my recipe box with what's left.

Because in addition to a few wrinkles and a strange lust for home goods, it seems I've lost my ability to find glamor in the simple life.

And sadly enough... men are no longer expensive steaks or the icing on the cake, but instead real life people I actually want to cook for.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


One of the greatest things about having a MUCH younger sibling is that you get to bestow your wisdom upon them while they're young and impressionable, but with enough of an age-gap, to make a real difference.

The things I tell my 13-year-old sister...

1. Few marry their 8th grade boyfriends
(And those that do, usually regret their lack of experience;)

2. It all changes when you get your license

3. Good guys like real girls
(Not plastic, plumped up, surgical Barbie dolls).

4. Don't date boys with goatees
(There's something about the 14 year old boy with facial hair that just screams BAD NEWS).

5. I hope you think I'm still cool in 5 years
(It's true... I'm not looking forward to the day you get older, and I just get old).

What advice do you have for your siblings that you wish someone had warned you about?