Thursday, February 18, 2010

Max-ism

I'm not the sort of gal to care about my man's glossy magazine favorites. I consider my Cosmo an R rated version of his X rated picks, and so he's more or less entitled.

However, upon looking at the latest issue of Maxim, I was at first amused that the chick from Big Bang Theory was on the cover, and then appalled at one of the article topics.

"Cheat and don't get caught! Women tell you how."

Um. Seriously? It's one thing to broadcast the ways we caught someone being adulterous, but it's quite another to give otherwise good guys a HOW-TO-MANUAL on the subject.

Here's their ideas and how I debunked them.

1. "Make your girl a guy."
By this they mean... change the contact info for your lover in your phone so your "psycho" (and um... ACCURATE) wife/girlfriend doesn't wonder why you're texting Jane Doe in the other room at all hours of the day (and night). If she thinks it's John Doe, you're in the clear.

DEBUNKED: Even if this works while you're in a relationship, some day down the line, when you meet a real person by the name of Jane (or John) you just might accidentally invite your old flame out for drinks instead of your new friend. (This. Happens).

2. "Hackproof your life."
This is where they tell you to create an entirely different online persona in order to carry out your affair, complete with new email address, screen name, and passwords.

DEBUNKED: Wanna know the EASIEST way to lose your relationship? Oh! That's right... it's having a SECRET LIFE on the side.

3. "Always be reachable."
The idea is to always answer the phone or text back, regardless of your circumstances so as not to cause suspicion.

DEBUNKED: Certain activities make it impossible to answer the phone. These are the very activities you're hoping to partake in by cheating. Good luck with this one.

4. "Take it to the grave."
Ah yes... the old "don't tell anyone advice." If only you know then no one will find out!

DEBUNKED: Unless you're REALLY bad at cheating, chances are you aren't the ONLY one involved. You may never know when/if your indiscretions will come back to haunt you.

5. "Choose wisely"
This is where the EXperts at Maxim advise you to choose your lover with some sense, to ensure that they don't go crazy and tell your significant other about your other life.

DEBUNKED: You never know what people you love are capable of, let alone the people you don't even like enough to have a real relationship with.

6. "Don't date your fling."
Apparently, you aren't allowed to take your fling out for dinner because that means you have "bigger issues."

DEBUNKED: Those "bigger issues" are called feelings. And, you can't fight them off no matter how hard you try.

7. "Don't overcompensate."
They advise would-be cheaters to never be "too nice" to their significant other after doing the deed with someone insignificant. All those homemade meals are signs you're feeling guilty.

DEBUNKED: If you're feeling guilty enough to become the next Emeril in the kitchen or buy her some new diamond jewelry, maybe she's worth holding onto after all. That guilt isn't just something to overcompensate for, it is a sign that you're doing something WRONG.




Your opinion? Good advice or a reason to cancel his subscription?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think the magazine article is going to be the reason why someone cheats, so let the cheater read those dumb tips and get caught. I just hope the women who catch their men cheating have the balls to end the relationship.

Briana said...

CANCEL.....

Chrissie Williams said...

i agree anon, i don't think it would be the reason someone decides to cheat, but i can't help but wonder if it gets certain gears going that should remain immobile.

i also think forgiving or forgetting a cheater is not always as cut and dry as having the courage to do it or not... each relationship is unique and the answer isn't always the same.