Friday, March 12, 2010

Just friends

"Why do you still talk to that person?"

We hear it all the time, the question of why we still allow people who may have wronged us back into our lives, giving them a second (or sometimes third) chance at friendship.

And while a lot of people assume it's because we're "not strong enough to say goodbye" or that we're simply "doormats with no self-respect," sometimes it seems more important, more beneficial to our happiness, to just sweep old conflicts under the rug instead.

Because a person may have hurt us at one time, but they probably also brought us joy.

And perhaps more important than what was said or done, is their intent.

Acknowledging that we're hurt means looking at the reasons of why...
And most of the time, we're hurt due to a misunderstanding or due to someone's general humanity, wrapped in regret.

Should we then harbor resentment and cast judgment rather than forgive?

Or is it better to focus on the reasons we allowed them into our lives in the first place and hope that they will be as forgiving of our flaws as we were of theirs.


Anonymous said...

You used the wrong "do." It should have been "due." Interesting if you look at your previous post.

Chrissie Williams said...

ah! thanks anon...

i s'pose it's interesting, although my typo wasn't during a heated argument, but instead a quick "oh my god it's friday and i haven't posted ONCE this week," realization.

either way, quick fix.

Brozier said...

It's not whether or not you SHOULD forgive, it's more whether you CAN.

If you can't forgive the person, then chances are that you aren't ready to do so (or they did something really hurtful to you...or both). Why force forgiveness, because it just seems that if you do, you're setting yourself (and your ex) up for more resentment.

I think becoming friends with an ex is useful as long as you are past that "resentment period" that usually follows a break-up. This can take a long time (it took me a few years in one particular case). Otherwise, don't waste your time.

Christina said...

I've forgiven 'friends' who have dont some pretty bad things to me. It didnt happen overnight... actually in one instance it took me years to really put it behind me. But in the end I figured its better to forgive then to let someone have something over your head like that.

Who knows?

Printing Quotes | UPrinting Coupons said...

I agree with Brozier, don't push yourself to forgive someone unless you are really ready. Let time heal your heart and anger will fade. It's only you who knows when you can forgive. :)