Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The do-ing

I've been haunted in almost every long-term-ish relationship with one cringe-worthy phrase.

"What do you want to do?"

I appreciate the gesture, I understand that these words are uttered in order to make me happy, and the people responsible for the question are just taking my feelings into account.

But I can't help but silently scream each time I'm asked, each time my preferences become paramount and I'm forced to decide what "we" will be doing for the next few hours.

I could be honest and say, "I'd like YOU to invite me to do SOMETHING like you used to."

Because relationships don't begin with this phrase, they begin with offers for dates.

I can remember an abundance of "Would you like to go out to dinner at X,Y,Z tonight?" type-of-questions. I was asked whether or not I wanted to see a specific movie, not a movie at all.

It was a time when dates were set times and places, not a burden of opportunities that sometimes take more effort than they're worth.

My silent screams say things like... "Woo-me." "You should know what I like, it's been YEARS after all!" "Buy me dinner or take me to Dairy Queen even though you're on a diet!"

But I know that on the inside, I'm a spoiled brat, and so I don't say these things.

Instead, I go through the lists upon lists of things we could do, and by the time I've weighed the pros and cons of all of them, the only thing I want to do, is take a nap.

And so I wonder what the appropriate answer is...

When all I want to do is sarcastically say, "Well, how about some OPTIONS?"

Because in the end it's not necessarily sweet and doting that I'm asked what I want to do.

Part of me wonders if it's just lazy.

1 comment:

Independent said...

The same thing really annoys me too. I hate being the one to make the plans. I figure, it's similar to house cleaning. If you do the dishes all the time, your partner will never have dish hands. So if I feel like I've planned all the dates, I usually refuse to offer a suggestion, and if he comes up w/ nada, I do my own fabulous thing (a hike, a bike ride, a run), and he usually spends the day on the couch watching sports. The lesson here: If he doesn't offer you up something to do, there's probably a Yankees game on :-)