Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wedding Wants

I'm the sort of gal who weighs the pros and cons of each and every purchase.

Short of fresh produce, I check the prices on most things at least 5 times, stare at new tops longingly from afar as I wait for sale prices, and my most frequented Google search is for

PRINTABLE COUPONS.

So just imagine then, how it felt to find myself planning a wedding.

For nearly two years, I flashed my engagement ring and declared we had yet to set the date because we couldn't "make up our minds."

When in reality, each budget discussion caused minor panic, and there was always something better to buy, something I could enjoy for longer than one day, and so the planning never amounted to much.

At least until I had a bit of an epiphany...

After a particularly lovely birthday, where instead of listening to me, my friends and family had flowers sent to the house, left long voicemails full of birthday songs and well-wishes, and purchased gifts I considered far-too luxurious, I realized that I've never really celebrated me before.

(I know, I know, it's about "us" but there is at least 1/2 "me" in there too.)

Honestly, never.

I always hoped no one would fuss over my birthday, I had pizza and beer after my college graduation, and I think we toasted our engagement over a meal supplied by Darden Corporation.

It was just the way I always did it, insisting that nothing was really a "big deal" if it involved me, my accomplishments, or my happiness.

It was always easier to fend off disappointment that way.
Without the party the cake would never be overcooked and without a real wedding only the imaginary one would need to meet my expectations.

But instead of fearing disappointment and letting it dictate my plans, I think I'll have more luck fending off regret instead.

I regret the lackluster graduation party, I regret forgoing the engagement party, and I regret all of the opportunities where I should have celebrated my successes instead of hiding them behind a cynical smile.

So instead of pretending I don't want a wedding at all, I'm finally committing to a new reality, one where actually...

I DO.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Labor & Love

I realized yesterday, that my close friend and I are OLDER now than our mothers were during our first play date in 1987.

Back then, almost-30 meant no longer a kid.
It meant being a mother.

For quite a while the word "mom" never infiltrated our core group of friends unless we were talking about unflattering jeans, holding our pocket books while we danced, or haircuts with short wispy layers.

But at this very moment, one of us is making the trek into motherhood, one contraction at a time.

She is surrounded by family as she journeys into a world that will never look quite the same, a life of no longer being alone on the inside.

And as I picture her in pain, eyes welling with tears they way they did in kindergarten after falling on the playground, or years later when he wasn't quite enough, I wish I was there to tell her it's going to be alright.

Because it will.

However different it becomes in the process.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Open Letter

Dear Guy in the Red T-Shirt,

Please, get off your cell phone.

I know you're just "waiting in line for a sandwich" but that gal doing just the same a mere 10 inches in front of you enjoys her deli time as quiet time. For her, it's about not being bombarded with outside stimuli, for her, it's about the turkey on a hard-roll, not your favorite movie.

I feel like I know you, Guy in the Red Shirt. I know you like a certain kind of beer and it "only takes 5 for you to be wasted."

I know you wanted to go swimming instead of working (join the club) and that you were just grabbing a sandwich and a salad (both, really?) but none of these things are important to me.

And much like I'd rather not feel your breath on the nape of my neck, I'd prefer you keep your cell phone off, your mouth shut, and your body a few paces behind the person in front of you.

Because I wasn't moving toward the deli counter to get a better look at what they had to offer, I was trying desperately to get further and further away from YOU, your ONE SIDED CONVERSATION.

Sincerely,

Girl in the Black Sweater Who Hates You

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The little things

Sometimes all it takes are the little things to brighten our mood.

Like when a simple friend request proves we had good taste even in 5th grade.

Thank you 11-year-old crush for making my day.

I knew there was a reason we fought over who got to sit near you on the bus.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Quiet time

After perhaps my longest blogging hiatus since the Odd Couple began, I figured I should fess up as to why I've been so silent lately.

I'm paying homage to an old saying.
Perhaps you've heard it?

If you don't have anything nice to say.
Don't say anything at all.

And so, here I remain saying nothing and hoping the niceties are on their way soon because nothing makes me feel less productive than an un-updated blog (well.... aside from an un-showered self on Sunday).