Tuesday, November 16, 2010

READER QUESTION - Hour Glass Figure

An Odd Blog reader recently sent in a question regarding his approach to women asking for advice.

Before I jump in and tell him what he's doing right (and wrong!) I'm going to open this one up to fellow readers who may have some insight.

Mr. K asked...

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties (I'm 27) and seemed very educated and sophisticated. She had classic curves - large bust, narrow waist, shapely legs/hips, etc., but not what I would consider "overweight", and was wearing an outfit that really flattered her figure. We had been talking for about a half hour and really seemed to develop a great rapport. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and I commented that she had a "really nice, hourglass figure". I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She said, "Excuse me? Why are you talking about my figure?" I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She told me I was being "inappropriate" and that she was very "disappointed" and then with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed. As I stood there alone rubbing my cheek, I was trying to figure out why she was so upset. It seemed like a harmless comment to me but maybe I don't understand women as well I should. I do have her email address. Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as a definitive way of saying she wants no further contact?

12 comments:

Briana said...

I think that's a great compliment. I would rather be told I have a great "hourglass" figure that be told, "you look awesome as a twig". That's just my opinion. Women used to STRIVE for that hourglass figure back in the day, I would think being in your thirties you could appreciate that. It's not like he asked you "when's the due date" (b/c believe me, that IS something to get upset about).

Chrissie Williams said...

good point bri! it is a MUCH nicer compliment than "hey, you're so skinny you remind me of my little sister!"

i'm just wondering what led up to it, and if 30 minutes is long enough to know a woman before complimenting her figure at all.

(i also wonder what was said during Mr. K's "damage control" mode... that could have led to the whap.)

Briana said...

True...I wonder what his tone was like when he "complimented" her. That could make all the difference as well.

Christina said...

I think it just gave the impression that you were only into her physically. I mean, why DID you have to mention her figure?? Why not her intelligence, creativity, sense of humor, etc?? You had been talking for a little bit so I guess I can understand how she could have gotten offended.. like if you were waiting for the first lul in the conversation to bring up her ass.

I dont think that sending an apology email would be the worst thing.. just keep it short.

Her response (If she does) will tell you if this is worth pursuing or not.

Chrissie Williams said...

oooh, i'm eager to know if other people think he should email her...

i tend to think a SLAP was enough of a no, but maybe others think there's still hope...

Jared said...

Just a general observation, resist the urge to compliment a women on her most distinguishing feature because she's either insecure about how obvious it is or she's bored of all the compliments she gets about it.

Anonymous said...

This is "Mr. K", the original poster. Thanks so much for the feedback! I did email her an apology a few days ago and her response is below. She gave me quite a lecture. Oh well, live and learn.

Thank you for the apology but I do think it is best that we not see each other again. It is very inappopriate and highly offensive to "size up" a woman the first time you meet her. It was a combination of what you said, the inflection in your voice, and how you looked at me that I found creepy. By the way, it didn't help matters when you compared me to Kim Kardashian. I like to be appreciated for who I am, and not how well I can fill out a skirt. I felt you crossed an important boundary, hence the slap in the face. It was quite disappointing too, since we had a nice conversation up to that point.

With that said, you are a bit younger than me and maybe haven't learned all of the do's and don'ts when it comes to meeting a woman for the first time. At least you were gentleman enough to turn the other cheek and make a graceful exit from the gallery after getting slapped. Hopefully you can learn from this and have better luck in the future. Also, I do go to the gallery openings on a regular basis so I don't want you to feel awkward around me if you do enjoy coming to those events. It's all in the past as far as I'm concerned.

Lindsay said...

Dear Mr. K.,

Personally, I find the “hourglass” compliment to be exactly that – a compliment. But body type can be a very, VERY touchy subject for some women. Sometimes even an innocent, “You’ve lost weight, you look great” can spark the typical, “So what, I was FAT before???” comeback. I don’t particularly agree with this kind of over-sensitivity, but since it does exist, maybe keep that in mind next time you want to make a similar comment.

However… The SLAP is absolutely uncalled for & inappropriate. I’m guessing that this woman, who at first came off as smart & mature, has some confidence & self-control issues she needs to address. If I were you, I would not bother contacting her – At this point, does it matter if SHE wants to talk to YOU? Even if you put your foot in your mouth, you certainly deserve a woman who can handle adult interaction & not become overly emotional at a simple remark, even if she disagrees with it.

Good luck :)

Chrissie Williams said...

good point lindsay, i hadn't really considered the woman's behavior in this whole thing... i'll touch on that in my response too.

and thanks for your update mr. k! that will help in my final post, coming later this week about how the whole ordeal went down.

cat said...

Wow. It's all sort of juicy. Fun to read the comments and the follow-up to it from Anonymous. Yeah, I think it was sort of strange to say that but I don't think it deserved a slap either. Although none of us know what inflection she felt from Anon or "creepy" feeling. If someone compared me to an actress (IS Kim K. an actress? ha.) I wouldn't say that meant that I wasn't being appreciated for who I was. It's just a comment, so, a bit of an overreaction it seems.

Basically I agree with a combination of what everyone else already said but I think you have a really open thoughtful approach to it and that's great. You now know! Good luck.

Chrissie Williams said...

thanks cat, i think you're right... everyone seems to be on the same wavelength here, it wasn't the best compliment in the world, but it didn't necessarily deserve a slap either :P

Anonymous said...

Thanks again for the feedback. I still feel badly that I upset her. Despite the slap, I still think she's a classy woman. While there are no future dating possibilities here, I would still like to smooth things over if I run into her again at the gallery.