Friday, June 24, 2011

Change

I don't think I've had a mushroom in at least three years.

Nope, not one.

Every entree is ordered "without mushrooms" and steaks are served with onions but never the typical squishy counterpart, but not because I don't like mushrooms.

It's because he doesn't.

He doesn't like the thought of them, the look of them, or at worst, the taste of them - at all.

And as someone who has a particular aversion to certain kinds of fish, I can appreciate the idea that some foods just don't do it for us.

But after looking through old photos, I realized my life, when looked at through a particular lens, can be seen as a series of relationships dictating my actions.

Wanting to please, be supportive, remain appreciative, I've let certain aspects of my personality falter, remaining sweet on days when its only venom I seem to taste.

For whatever reason, I fear being "that wife." That wife who bickers and complains about household chores, that wife who rushes from wedding to baby planning, that wife who gives him a hard time about... well... essentially him being him.

And so I wonder why, since I'm so in tune with how HE FEELS, why I don't spend more time being HONEST with how I FEEL.

Because sometimes, dammit, I want mushrooms

4 comments:

Nadine2point0 said...

Love this blog - tripped on it through another fave.

Chrissie Williams said...

thanks nadine! there's lots of older content to sift through - enjoy it!

chrissie

Anonymous said...

I think its all about balance. If you're focused on him and he is focused on him.. then there is no one focused on you...

Give and take are a part of every relationship. If the balance is off there is only a matter of time before things start to fall apart.

One question: Why are you not ordering mushrooms because he doesnt like them?? lol You two may be having together but its your plate!!! lol

Christina

Chrissie Williams said...

ha! good point anon -

his aversion to mushrooms is significant enough that he finds it difficult to look at them sometimes. (its almost a phobia really...)

and the things we get without mushrooms are usually the kind of things we'd order big portions of, chinese entrees, that sort of thing.

but you have a good point, it's about the give and take equally... which is why i'm ordering the mushrooms when i can, especially in dimly lit restaurants where i can tell him they're just "onions." :)