Thursday, November 3, 2011

Its not you, it's me

Hindsight offers us the advantage of blaming our exes for almost anything -- they are the reason the relationship failed, and only when we're feeling really kind, might we admit to it being "a compatibility thing."

The latter lets us believe that what ruined that relationship won't find itself in our new and improved union, so we ignore signs that certain problems always resurface, regardless of who we are with.

Some might have to do with our unchanging expectations or even our love of "bad boys" rather than "nice guys."

But every once in awhile we have to admit, that the issue is our own.
The reason the present feels suddenly just like the past is no one's fault but the person who happened to exist in both realities, us.

When realizing this, we might want to run away (again) and place blame elsewhere or ignore the situation because "that worked so well the last time."

But I think the reason some relationships succeed and others don't has less to do with the amount of love or lust found within them and more about our own ability to acknowledge problems while CHOOSING to move in a positive direction instead of fleeing.

It's about realizing we might be a little bit crazy after all, that we're probably hard to deal with after a long day at work, that we might be a little too needy or not quite affectionate enough.

As we find ourselves loving in mature relationships, wherein we know our faults and our partner's faults, it becomes easier to stay, easier to forgive, and easier to accept nothing is ever perfect.

This acknowledgment doesn't have to undermine our current relationship, the one worth staying for, but instead lets us accept that the past isn't necessarily riddled with bad people but maybe just bad choices and timing.

Because sometimes I have to admit, it wasn't him, or him, or him, or even us... it was me.









What patterns haunt your relationships and do you ever want to say you're sorry?

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