Friday, February 24, 2012


I sometimes wonder if you're still here
Lurking among the archives

Looking for the me you remember.

When I was a gaping wound
And you were the gauze
Protecting me while still allowing me to breathe.

Our silence
Always said more than our words

In it, you taught me to think
And I taught you how to love, I think.

But now our stillness spans years
Weakening the words we never had to share

When you would know
Without me even saying

That it was never about someone else.
But somewhere else, instead.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

On Marriage

I'm not one to usually follow celebrity news, it always seemed like more of the same, money, wedding, divorce, money, alimony, children with strange names, annnnnd done.

But I'll admit that there were two marriages I thought seemed "pretty legit" based on my lack of inside knowledge and quick glances at the grocery checkout line. (Which is to say I knew absolutely nothing whatsoever.)

The marriage of Hedi Klum and Seal and the marriage of Heather and Jon Armstrong were the two forevers in my happily ever after.

If you don't know the latter, Heather Armstrong is only the world's best-known blogger and her separation was seen in the New York Times in spite of her living in Utah.

Having read for years, I was oddly shocked when I read the news of their separation, as if my closest friend had suddenly sprung this news on me after years of thinking she had "it all figured out." In addition to the shock, I felt a sadness deep enough to almost believe Heather and I were friends, in spite of my only two comments on her blog in 5 years of reading, that she should have called me actually entered my mind for a brief moment before I instead starred at the computer screen in disbelief. Hoping she was coping well, hoping her daughters were as spry and adorable as ever in spite of such an upheaval at home.

In terms of the Klum/Seal saga, the little I knew of their relationship involved her favorable quotes about him as a father and husband and knowledge of their annual parties to celebrate their wedding, along with vow renewals and the things "only happily married" people might take part in. They were the Hollywood couple that could prove the naysayers wrong, that love was possible in a world of glitz and glamour -- until suddenly they became fodder for the tabloids like nearly every other celebrity couple we've had the chance of not-really-getting-to-know.

But most surprising to me was that I felt these separations, more than I likely should. People get divorced or part ways all the time, and these aren't even people I know, realistically I shouldn't care or feel a thing.

It just seems like everything was so right, until it simply wasn't.

And maybe, as a married woman, it's that idea that scares me - that all we have can be gone so quickly, that spring vacations don't mean autumn anniversaries.