Monday, June 25, 2012

Updates unplugged

A lot of people assume I write less for this blog "because I'm married now."

It's the excuse many make when their friends suddenly seem less available, less likely to share personal stories, or suddenly averse to over-sharing.

Of course, I'll admit to seeing a steep decline in my updates since I stopped dating, but blaming that on marriage feels like a cop out - because it's more than that.

Looking back on the last year or so I can see a million different reasons for fewer updates and none of them directly relate to being in a relationship.

Let's face it - dating is equally awesome and terrifying. The stories we get to tell when we're kissed by quivering lips or called incessantly from someone we hadn't even hugged goodbye make for much more interesting tales than "Oh my god, I hit up Target this weekend for a new ironing board!"

But is that because of marriage - or the simple fact we're aging? Our lives are more mundane as we get a little older, living the 9-5 lifestyle, and finding ourselves too busy immersed in our vacations to post updates about them on Facebook.

I could blame my lack of posts due to a lack of creativity - but that doesn't stem from married life at all. I think that stems from long winters of hibernation, not enough sleep, and stresses only a mortgage can muster.

Hardened with a few extra years and armed with a few extra people who might find blog posts offensive, it's often difficult to muster the young, passionate chick who started this ol' blog in the first place.

So here's an excuse that looks more like growing older and less like getting hitched.


itsme said...

Well, I can see how you'd prefer not to blame your marriage (depressing as that would be).

But your "getting older" excuse is pretty weak.

We humans express ourselves with art, creativity, youthful vitality and passion, as forms of peacocking behavior to attract mates. Once we have a mate, we instinctively lose interest in the peacocking.

Not because we lose our capacity for creativity. We just lose the motivation to express it (partially because expressing it could be risky -- as you say, you might offend someone).

Trust me, if you were single tomorrow, you'd be back here blogging everyday, expressing yourself with talent, showing off all your pretty colors in an exuberant display. Your "older-ness"? Irrelevant.

But you're married. It's a different life. Different forms of expression. Different risk/reward structure. Intimacy exclusivity is paramount.

And there's nothing wrong with that. No need to make up excuses :)

Chrissie Williams said...

i agree that we express ourselves with art, creativity, youthful vitality and passion to attract mates, but i don't think that's the only reason we do these things. and to be fair, this blog turned off more mates in its heyday than the other way around, so there's that to consider.

honestly - if i were single tomorrow, i don't think i'd be here dishing it out for everyone to comment on, because as i said, i'm older, i have less interest sharing personal stores with strangers than i did 6 years ago.

this post wasn't really about making excuses but finding answers - because when i look at the blank page of a would-be post i can't help but wonder where the fire has gone.

but that's when i realize i don't read blogs like this so much anymore, my interests have changed, evolved, and grown.

none of which is to say i'm not passionate or creative, just that THIS medium for my passions is no longer the most appropriate for me - single or otherwise.