The Odd Blog

It's that time of year again...

2009-12-29T10:19:00.004-05:00

They've already moved the slippers out of the store windows and have replaced them with sports bras and jogging suits. Where only days ago you were tempted by truffles and cookies coated in butter cream frosting, now you will be bombarded with the latest diet foods and Jillian Michael's manly face coaxing you to buy her latest DVD.

And, like any other year... I feel compelled to resolve... something.

But as I try to remember last year's resolution, or the years that came before, I feel less festive and more like a failure.

Because it seems that the only thing I can actually commit to is to be non-committal.

Here's all the resolutions that never were...

1. Lose 10 lbs
Um. Lost 8, gained 6, total weight loss: 2 lbs.

2. Drink 8 glasses of water everyday!
My days usually consist of 2 cups of coffee and 2 glasses of wine plus one or two sips of actual water at 2 am when the caffeine and alcohol begin to dehydrate me.

3. Go to the gym 3 times a week
I went, ONCE in 2009. Yep. Last January. They wanted to charge me 10 bucks because my debit card (with which I automatically pay them) was stolen after the 10th of the month. "All changes must be made before the 10th." But, it was STOLEN? Apparently, that doesn't matter. In order to show them who was boss, I've neglected my body in defiance.

4. Stop procrastinating
I started this blog post, LAST week, and am just finishing it now. Enough said.

5. Don't be so hard on yourself
Blogging about all the things I haven't accomplished in 2009 rather than the things I have, proves right here and now that I've failed at this one.

What do you resolve to NOT resolve this year?

Top 10 Reasons Not to Marry HIM

2009-12-17T13:15:00.001-05:00

1. He drinks too much.
If you find yourself making excuses for the frequency of his "guys nights" or give him ultimatums before every event with an open bar, it may be time to reconsider.

2. He made you wait, and wait, and wait.
If he dated you for a decade and then some before popping the question, chances are he was still looking for "the one." Instead of finding her, he decided to propose to "the womb" instead.

3. He's your polar opposite.
Sure, opposites attract, but that does n't mean they should get married. Sooner or later his yin will begin to bother your yang. A gal can only take so many ballroom dancing lessons while her man is playing Wii before she finds a better suited partner.

4. He's your EX boyfriend as well as your CURRENT boyfriend.
If your relationship history is as rocky as the ice cream with which you sooth your break up wounds, then it may be time to reconsider. Breaking up is hard to do, but getting back together afterward is the easy way of dealing with it. You can't meet someone great if you're holding on to someone who isn't.

5. He has mommy issues.
Whether mommy made his bed until 38 or mommy left at 13, it has always been true that you can judge a man by the way he treats his mother. If they don't speak, determine WHY before he is giving YOU the silent treatment.

6. He calls other women bad names.
If his nickname for his boss starts with a B and ends with an itch and he thinks all women are gold diggers, take some more time before becoming his permanent verbal punching bag.

7. He is mean to your cat.
Mr. Whiskers is important to you, small, and sometimes spills milk or makes a mess of his 'potty.' If your man can't handle that without yelling, rolling his eyes, or making YOU clean up the mess by yourself, then just think of how he'll be with the little HUMAN additions to your family who put Mr. Whisker's bad traits to shame.

8. He hates your friends.
You. Will. Need. Your. Friends. (Especially while you're married). If he hates them now, and makes excuses as to why they're not good enough for you, then watch out. Before you know it all of his opinions will blend with your own and you just might lose yourself (and your friends) in exchange for a marriage with him (and only that).

9. He cheated on you before.
The idea 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' might not always ring true. But you can almost guarantee that if he cheated ON YOU before, it was evidence of a lack of respect for your relationship. What's to prevent him from doing it again?

10. Your friends hate him.
We will all always have one or two friends who think "no one is good enough" for us. But if ALL of the people who care about us wish we'd find someone better, it might be time to give the relationship a once over. Because while no one is "good enough for Daddy's little girl," that doesn't mean we don't deserve someone GOOD for us at all.

A Hook Up How To

2009-12-15T12:12:00.004-05:00

So you don't want a REAL boyfriend or girlfriend, or you don't want your REAL boyfriend or girlfriend to find out about your IN-significant other?

Then follow the rules of our hook up culture and make sure no one gets hurt in the process...

1. Cuddling is not allowed.
Oxytocin is the CUDDLE hormone. And its effect on the human body (especially the lonely human body) is not something to disregard. Cuddling can turn a nasty jerk into a potential "soul mate" if it's done on the regular. If you want to keep your cake on the side and eat it too, stop the snuggle fest and get up to get that glass of water VERY QUICKLY.

2. Dates are not allowed.
If you choose to USE another human being, taking them out for lobster afterward is not an option. Sure, everyone has got to eat, but unless you want your hook up thinking they're something more, continue with the single servings sans confusion.

3. Gifts are not allowed.
Anything that does not fit in your wallet and come in various colors cannot be purchased and given to one another. Period. Gifts imply feelings, feelings imply future.

4. Friends do not include "benefits."
Ah, the dream of the successful FWB situation. Why not share everything with your friend and not attach any strings?!?! Well, because if you're friends who do everything together, you should be dating, for real. If you don't believe me, just ask your Best-Friend-With-Benefits what they think... Oh! That's right. You don't talk to them anymore, do you?

5. Falling IN LOVE is possible (even for you).
If you're under the impression that you've got it all under control because you've found the PERFECT in-significant other then GET. OUT. NOW. Soon, their perfectly acceptable stance on babies and your mutual love for lobster and snuggling will win you over. And OVER will also be your player lifestyle. Because in the end, you can't actually like your hookup more than say... you're new IPOD touch or Playboy subscription.

***OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER***
As a gal whose significant other "put a ring on it" this post is not in anyway related to my current lifestyle. Instead, it's a tribute to my single-and-loving-it friends who still find time to lament about why he/she did or didn't call and get to decorate every single room in their homes exactly how they want to.

That Girl

2009-12-07T16:08:00.005-05:00

The kind of women that give other women a bad name...

1. The Liars
I'm talking, pathological. The type of girl who tells stories about being attacked or mugged when it never happened. All of that crying wolf makes our real-life tragedies harder to believe.

2. The "Other" Women
Sure, she may love him, but she should love herself (and other women) enough to tell him no until he's actually single.

3. The Hypocrite
The girl who hates you for sharing her secrets (regardless of your intentions) in spite of the fact that she not only told people yours, but she told the very people who may never forget.

4. The Eternal Child
No one wants to date the 20-something girl who still asks mommy and daddy for money for her toiletries. This one gives other women a bad name by refusing to support herself during her single years because men are afraid she just wants THEM to support her when her parents are finally finished.

5. The Drama Queen
She spies, she lies, and she conjures up excitement because her life is oh-so-boring without it.

6. The Psycho
Guys LOVE to call women "psycho" every time they suspect cheating or feel neglected. But the REAL psycho girls (who ALWAYS feel neglected and ALWAYS think their partners are cheating) make it very difficult for normal girls under stress to live this insult down.

7. The Facebook-Friend-Deleter
She's the girl who gets mad at you, but never actually confronts you. Instead, she decides to delete you from her online friends list as some sort of modern day defiance. Unfortunately you will never know what you did in order to ask for forgiveness and she just looks pathetic in the process.

8. The Entitled Chick
You know the one... it's the girl who thinks you OWE her because she is after all, still breathing.

9. The TMI-Twit-Her
No one wants to be around the girl who tweets her bowel movements and basal cell temperature. Her unrated tales are hard to follow (at least without a lil' bit of bile in your mouth).

10. The Blog-Her
The girl who uses her public blog as a means of outing all of her least favorite people without actually having to use their names. She's also the one who disses guys after first dates, tells you your man is probably cheating and asks you to forgive hers for doing it all in the same post.

What type of girl do you think sets the rest of us back a few decades?

The Older Man

2009-12-03T13:45:00.002-05:00

Dating an older (slightly) man can be very exciting in the beginning. You get to enjoy all the benefits of a boyfriend, without all the complexities that the usual 20-something male is suffering through.

You get to date a guy whose quarter-life-crisis is over, a guy who dated enough to know that he wants YOU and no one else.

And while it's great in the beginning, finding permanent balance with an older man can make things tricky after a while.

The 25-35 ratio doesn't cause too much friction, after all, you're both adults but not too set in your ways to not make a go of it.

But, only 5 years later, you may find yourself in a different situation.

One where you want to go back to grad school, and he wants children. He's 40 after all, how much longer can you make him wait?

Or perhaps, he was 35 and single, because he never wanted kids anyway, and now at 30, your biological clock is ticking away and your partner is nearing middle age and has no interest in starting a family.

The funny thing with a 10-year age gap however, is that just when things get complicated, you meet again, in a similar place. 45 and 55 finds you with similar wants and desires, early retirement, both slightly wrinkled and content to spend more time at home than out on the town, so you can relax again.

And stop growing up together, while simply growing old together instead.

Do you think there is ever an age-gap that is too big to tackle?

Ten Things I've always THOUGHT

2009-11-30T10:39:00.003-05:00

...But Never Actually SAID

1. I don't like striped sweaters or t-shirts on men.

2. I've spent my whole life 10 lbs shy of my ideal weight.

3. I'll probably never cut more than 6 inches off my super-long hair.

4. One bowl of cereal is usually just not enough.

5. I don't like facial hair, aside from a 5 o'clock shadow.

6. I force myself to sleep late on the weekends just because I can.

7. I think I'm better looking at "almost-30" than I was at "almost-20."

8. I don't miss a single thing about high school.

9. I finally understand why people "get married for the health benefits."

10. My biological clock has yet to begin ticking.

What has your inner monologue been saying lately that you've never shared?

If it makes you happy

2009-11-18T10:20:00.003-05:00

No one wants to know you're happy.

Seriously. They don't. They say they do, they feign interest in the oh-so-cute-and-romantic stories you share, but at the end of the day, your misery is more entertaining and your happiness? Less so.

Maybe your closest friends and family like to think you're happy, but they don't need to be faced with it every time they see you.

Your migraines are more entertaining than your happy marriage.
And your minor car accident is more interesting than your brand new car will ever be.

So when things are going well, we may find ourselves keeping to ourselves more than we should. We make the effort by not discussing "that" topic, because... well... the happy stuff is boring.

A good story is moving, captivating, involves trial and error, misstep and misfortune.

And a happy ending is much easier to take, if it's preceded by a tumultuous plot.

As a result, we might find ourselves delving into the past too much, chatting with people we promised to ignore because they make things interesting. Retelling painful moments from years ago because we've "come out of it unscathed," all the while our reminiscing reopening a wound we'd hoped to have healed.

The storyteller in us wants some substance, something full of emotion, something bad that we can make good with words and hate mongering. Something to hold their attention, because our happiness seems to cause an uneasiness that our more painful moments never seem to.

But with each retold story, of heartbreak or sadness, we not only bring our audience down to a place where they can feel something, but ourselves as well.

Poisoning our present happy moments with reminders of the sad ones.

Giving up our contentment for camaraderie instead.

Growing up means shutting up

2009-11-09T13:14:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted much on this blog for two reasons.

1. I'm very busy.
2. I'm afraid EVERY TOPIC I want to write about will end up ticking someone off.

I recently realized that the fact that I'm sensitive to the idea all of a sudden, doesn't say anything about my friends or family suddenly being less understanding or open minded.

It has to do with the fact that suddenly I'm more aware of how my words might upset them.

There was a time when I thought the word "crass" was a compliment.
When hearing people declare that "Chrissie will say whatever she wants without apology," was something that I could be proud of.

And maybe I'm just getting old... but suddenly, being crass isn't on my list of aspirations anymore.
And being sensitive is no longer a "weakness" but something I'm glad to feel from time to time.

So here's a post, minus the post, because if nothing else... I'm growing up.

What made YOU realize, you'd changed?

Finding piece

2009-10-30T11:43:00.005-04:00

There's something about things falling into place that just illuminates all the other things that are still in disarray.

It's like a 1,000-piece puzzle, with only the edges assembled.
We may immediately feel as if we've accomplished something, but in the end we're left with just a big empty box.

We can become frustrated with our clean edges and carved out future because sometimes it seems like that empty box, the outline waiting for more, is just... life.

A series of pieces that surely have a place in the "whole" but pieces that also need to be just so in order for everything around them to work out.

And so, we fill our puzzle, one piece at a time, hoping the bigger decisions are enough to anchor our futures in something tangible.

Hoping our edges are strong enough to withstand all the rest.

As we check off our accomplishments, it's obvious to see how we got there, what pieces had to fall into place in order for the 1,000-piece puzzle to begin to make sense.

But, as each piece slides into it's appropriate space, any sense of accomplishment is undermined by the other pieces—in an overwhelming pile—coaxing us to move forward, to do more, to get it done.

Because without a sense of direction, or a purpose, the pieces we've yet to find a place for just clutter the end result with maybes and what might-have-beens.

And it seems no edges are strong enough to handle that.

Wings and beer

2009-10-06T10:03:00.003-04:00

Two girls.
20 wings.
A basket of fries.
And a bread bowl of spinach dip (with stale chips).

You'd think we hadn't eaten for days given the spread of carbs that lay on our table. In combination with the stack of napkins covered in barbecue sauce, the empty pints of Octoberfest, and the bowl of chicken bones, there was little room for much more than our conversation.

"We should take a picture with all this food!" I exclaimed.

And nicely enough, the man standing behind us offered to take the shot.

"Make sure you get all the food!" We declared, since that was the purpose of getting out the camera to begin with.

And then he fumbled.

"Wait, really? Women usually don't want people to know they eat..."

We feigned a smile while I let his words sink into my already full belly.

It is true that women will order a salad when they want a steak, because it's the more "feminine" thing to do.

But when did eating become something only men can enjoy?

As we tore apart our wings and offered each other an exchange of carbohydrates, I couldn't help but feel a sense of freedom.

Because we didn't care what anyone thought of our spread, we were too hungry to notice any stares and too happy to not lick our fingers at the end of our meal.

Our photographer's comment aside, we were simply out to enjoy ourselves, our friendship, and our meal together.

And while it's true that some women don't want people to know they eat.

Other women... like us... just want others to know we're people too.

A good marriage

2009-09-23T13:43:00.003-04:00

We're taught from a very young age that a good marriage is made of a few necessary ingredients...

1. Love
2. Respect
3. Monogamy

While I can't argue the importance of love and respect, I find it hard to determine the true importance of "exclusivity" when it comes to living happily ever after.

The divorce rate indicates that many don't take their vows seriously as "Til death do us part" holds true for only half of couples who declare those words in front of their nearest and dearest.

So why do we put so much emphasis on the vow to "forsake all others?"

Can we not love and respect someone, while we simultaneously want someone else?

And if we've altered the institution of marriage to sneak into it with the idea of divorce as a viable option and with premarital "fun" practiced by most...

Why do we still hold our partners to the chain of monogamy when we let these other things slide?

Open door policy

2009-09-17T14:01:00.003-04:00

When I was a little kid, I was a master at holding a grudge.

If my older sister stole my dessert or got me in trouble, I could spend days on end not talking to her as a result.

I'd mope and be dramatic, hoping that she'd realize the error of her ways and never do it again.

But, all these years later, I realize I wasn't aiding her in admitting fault...

My silence only helped her find me more irritating.

And so, it should be no surprise that the teasing didn't cease, and the desserts still came up missing.

Because all my drama-queen actions taught my older sister, was that I wasn't that likable after all.

My stubbornness distanced us time and time again, building a wall between us until only quiet remained.

Looking back, I wish I'd thought to share my frustration with her so things would have been different.

And instead of finding ourselves standing on opposite ends of a vastly quiet expanse...

Perhaps we would have simply been on opposite sides of an already open door.

17 Again

2009-09-14T09:45:00.003-04:00

I turned 27 and suddenly look 17.

Or so it seems.

I've been ID'd so many times in the last few weeks that I'm convinced I'm getting younger rather than older as time passes.

ID'd 3 times at the same wedding.
ID'd for alcohol... every single time I try to purchase.

And the icing on the cake was the day I got ID'd for ENTRY TO THE GALLERIA MALL!

(I still don't understand how it's LEGAL do deny people entry to the mall because of their age, but regardless, I do not look under 18)!

While it's flattering, my issue comes with the obvious lack of respect people seem to have for us "kids."

I've been stared at by store clerks who want my ID rather than outright asked because apparently, "I should know better."

I was poked fun of at a comedy club this past weekend for not being "old enough to remember when TVs didn't have remotes or what it was like to change the channel with a wrench."

Well, Buddy (Flip) I might not be old enough, but I was certainly POOR enough to know.

My early 20's were spent with a TV older than my parents because that was what I could afford. Forget not having a remote, my gem of an entertainment center was so archaic that the "volume down" button TURNED THE TELEVISION OFF.

We're taught to respect our elders, but I wonder why we're not entitled to respect in return simply because we're people too, regardless of how young we look.

As someone who has supported herself for nearly a decade, purchased her own college education (and base model Chevy Cobalt) I'd like to be treated like an adult while I'm out in the world. Because I don't ask for hand outs and no one pays my rent but me.

But... of course that's a lot to explain to the store clerks or mall cops.

Quite honestly, at this point in my life I'm almost looking forward to the day I'll have a wrinkle or two.

Because at least then, those tiny dry lines will be the only proof I'll need in order to gain a little respect.

And the ID can finally stay at home.

Balancing act

2009-09-02T14:22:00.004-04:00

There comes a time in every relationship where the lines of our individuality blend too softly with the perimeter of "us."

It's a time when our daily adventures and day-to-day mis-adventures are no longer solo acts, but instead a balancing act, where we put our relationship "above all else." It takes precedence over our family and friendly relationships, sometimes our careers or at times our plans for further education.

It seems that as the relationship becomes more serious, the risks of letting the other person down become greater.
And so we climb the ladder together until we have no fear of falling whatsoever.

And yet, as we climb together, always relying on our partner's strength rather than our own... we run the risk of wearing them out. Eventually, our dual expectancies will become so commonplace that all we can see in our future is the places we've already been... together.

Because instead of strengthening our bond, we simply wear it out with too much familiarity.

The balance between togetherness and time apart becomes a tight rope act.
Stretched between the past and the future.
Stretched between two people, who can't help but fall if they find nothing else to hold onto.

If I knew then...

2009-08-24T10:18:00.003-04:00

What I know Now.

We all have those moments when we look back at our former selves with utter disbelief and quite possibly, total embarrassment.

Because it seems that nothing in life can bring clarity quite as honestly as the passing of time.

Here's a tribute to those former moments, to a former self, who didn't know any better.

THEN: He's cute
NOW: He's trouble

THEN: Love hurts
NOW: True love only stings, sometimes.

THEN: Free shots?! I'll take ten!
NOW: No, thank you. I'd rather enjoy tomorrow than ruin it with a hangover.

THEN: 8th Grade broken hearts can't be mended
NOW: 8th Grade hearts can't really be broken

THEN: He's the one
NOW: He's no one worth mentioning

THEN: Life should be easy if you're doing what is right
NOW: Life is never easy, but that doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable

What have you learned in time, that you wish you'd known in the past?

Swarm theory

2009-08-12T10:43:00.005-04:00

"A single ant or bee isn't smart, but their colonies are."

Hmm...

So let me get this straight... single isn't smart?

That idea explains a lot.

It explains why some women seem more eager to get married as they witness their friends coupled up and awaiting all eternity together.
It explains why we want what they have, regardless of whether or not we wanted it before.
And it also explains why my summer '09 can be summed up with two words.

WEDDING. FEVER.

I turned 27 and suddenly each and every weekend was spent either planning a bridal shower, purchasing a wedding gift, or drowning myself in martinis afterward.

Not to say I don't enjoy the idea of my close friends being so happy.
So smitten with someone that the word "forever" no longer makes them turn in fear, but instead makes them embrace it wholeheartedly.

But as the bows are taped tightly to a paper plate and then worn haphazardly upon their heads (because, you know... that's what women do at bridal showers) I couldn't help but stare at the shiny diamond on my left hand and wonder why.

Why we do it... now.
I don't question the validity of these unions, the love in their eyes is obvious, the romance of it all is sometimes enough for even me to tear up with emotion.

But, I also know we get married because that's what comes next.

And I can't help but wonder why...
Why we swarm to a life, so much like the others around us.
Why we're not "whole" until someone defines us that way with a shiny rock on our finger.
Why we're not happy... until our heads are adorned with taffeta and tissue paper... too heavy with generosity.

Tipping over from the weight of it all.
As reality sets in.
Our uniqueness cast in shades of white and ivory.

Goodbyes and new beginnings

2009-08-04T10:14:00.004-04:00

Yet another odd couple blogger has moved on, and I'd like to use this post to wish Sten a formal goodbye and good luck.

As the solo-blogger left behind, it's obvious that some changes need to be implemented for this blog to continue and to move in a slightly new direction.

Rest assured, there will still be posts about why never to get married and why first dates are both glorious and gut wrenching.

But it no longer seems that there are "two women with two different points of view."

Now, it's just me and you. The readers.

Surely, there will still be debate and hot topics, buttons pushed, and quite possibly feelings hurt (mine) when a certain post seems too real, or hits a little too close to home.

But the world of relationships (both romantic and otherwise) is full of excitement and change, which this blog will continue to illustrate.

No longer "The Odd Couple," it's just me, the Odd One Out.

A gal who fits the norm on the outside, but whose conflicts are usually internal.

A 20-something who sees her peers following in each other's footsteps, from fun to families in the blink of an eye.

A person, admittedly terrified of becoming ordinary.

POST COMING UP: "Swarm Theory - Single Isn't Smart"

A year ago today...

2009-07-22T12:36:00.000-04:00

Tatt-Two

Man Hunt VS Job Hunt

2009-07-09T11:44:00.003-04:00

The one dating game which always seems to work is playing "hard to get." Sometimes it takes longer than usual and sometimes by the time you get what you thought you wanted, it's too late and the urge has passed.

There are rules about how often to call (never more than twice if you don't receive a response, and if you're REALLY desperate you can send ONE text message but after that it's out of your hands).

In the world of searching for a job however, I've come to find out that the rules which apply to dating DO NOT APPLY to finding a job.

The following, is an in depth comparison of the two searches.

MAN HUNT: If he's not necessarily "perfect," but you think he's worth a damn, go for it anyway.
JOB HUNT: If the job does not utilize any of your skills, and you don't think you'd be happy doing it, going on the interview will only make you uncomfortable.

MAN HUNT: If you're always the one calling, maybe he's not interested.
JOB HUNT: If you don't call every day and bicker, no one will read your resume.

MAN HUNT: If your friends think he's cute, he is cute.
JOB HUNT: If all your friends work at the same place, you might not only need a job, but you may need new friends.

MAN HUNT: Hard to get always gets the prize.
JOB HUNT: Hard to get works at the Olive Garden for life.

MAN HUNT: Show your cleavage.
JOB HUNT: Don't show your cleavage, ever. Show your smarts.

MAN HUNT: If you don't "settle" in some capacity, you'll be alone forever.
JOB HUNT: If you settle for what's easy, you will work at the Olive Garden for life.

MAN HUNT: Pretty girl gets the guy, persistent girl becomes known as "desperate."
JOB HUNT: Pretty girl gets married and has 2 kids, persistent girl gets her own office with a view.

MAN HUNT: Did I mention the thing about cleavage?
JOB HUNT: Cleavage + job interview = sexual harassment.

All in all, being single taught me that men like women who don't necessarily need them but women who want them.

And as a post-grad I think I've learned only one thing for sure... employers like employees who make bad girlfriends.

(Originally posted Tuesday, September 05, 2006 on Chrissie's Myspace Blog)

Only wanting what's taken

2009-07-08T17:19:00.003-04:00

According to an article from the Wall Street Journal even though the country is at a near 10% unemployment rate, many employers are seeking applicants that still have a job.
If a worker is still employed they must be the "cream of the crop."

What crap.

I've seen so many talented, hard-working people let go ... and to think that they wouldn't even be CONSIDERED by some because they were laid off makes me a wee bit sick. Like walk in on your parents sick.

This reminds me of people who go into a bar looking for wedding rings to find their next conquest. Shame on them for only wanting what's taken without taking the time to check out what's available. They're missing out.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

2009-07-07T09:51:00.003-04:00

"He's just so NICE!"

That's how she described her otherwise inexplicable crush.

NICE.

After years of chasing after the bad boys and pining over a few oedipal messes, she'd changed her tune.

No longer did she find a bad attitude, flippant nature, or mysterious disappearances attractive.

Now, she liked nice.

And nice, as it turned out.
Was married.

It seemed he'd finished first after all.

The Great Northeast Tour of Domesticated College Friends Part 3

2009-07-01T15:32:00.013-04:00

Stop 3: Vermont (The wedding)

Before long, E. and I were out of the war zone (Massachusetts) and into New Hampshire. The route took us through the White Mountains, which weren't white at all. People in New Hampshire are liars. I was hoping for mounds of whipped cream, but all I saw was more woods.

Still, I gotta respect their motto : "Live Free or Die." They don't have to bother with jails, I guess. Petty thieves stand up and court and demand the electric chair before being sentenced. Don't worry kids, you'll never be grounded - parents would be too afraid you'd overdose on Play-Doh rather than sit in a corner.

After crossing the border into Vermont, we stopped in quaint cafe in the village of Bethel. Either it's one of those cool little towns where everyone knows you, or that waitress was a nasty woman who won't let you order for yourself, because she told one table not to bother with the menu and their food would be out in a bit.

From there we traveled on into the Green Mountains, which were, in fact, green. However we passed signs for crossing bears, ducks, and turtles, non of which made any appearances. This was disappointing. Especially not seeing a bear. I hear when they get rabid they drool on Red Sox paraphernalia. That would have been an awesome postcard to send back to Skipper.

We finally make it up to Middlebury, where the bride's parents live (the main reason for E.'s and my road trip). There were bagels waiting for us on the kitchen counter, proving my theory that if you make a trip to see some one, they'll always feed you. The bride, who I later found out was named for an Irish myth (which is awesome), was getting her hair done in the master bedroom. I found a seat where I wouldn't be in the way and played voyeour to all the preparations.

It is a kind of an honor to watch a bride get ready for her wedding day - it's this special peek behind the scenes at all the nerves, excitement and a lovely transformation from the college bud I remember hanging out with, into a beautful lady about to embark on her most important day to date. I like to think the crude jokes and last minute suggestions (like having a wet wedding dress contest – which she would surely win) added to the ambiance.

E. was the official stylist and makeup artist, but even though I thought "clown" was the way to go, she went with the "elegant" look. After her work was done, we got ready and headed out to a beautiful park on Lake Champlain where the wedding would take place.

The ceremony itself was fantastic and very personal to the couple. Origami cranes strung to the tree branches seemed dance on the wind around where the couple made their vows. It was a truly gorgeous sight, yet I had to stifle a silly giggle. For a moment all I could think of was the end of our senior year at school, when the bride and I were both crazy over the same boy ... and look at us now, me watching her marry an entirely different guy. This warm feeling came over me, and it wasn't just the sun beating on my face ... it was appreciation for the kind of person she is. She never got catty over that college stud (I don't think she's ever gotten catty over anything), and neither of us have probably given him much thought since.
It would have been a shame to lose a friend for a possible fling, or to have missed out on such a perfect day now for a mutual crush over seven years ago.

The Great Northeast Tour of Domesticated College Friends Part 2

2009-06-29T15:29:00.005-04:00

Stop two: Massachusetts

I remove the Yankee banners from my car and E. gathered some leaves to cover the New York plates. We drove carefully with no sudden movements ... I didn't want to attract the attention of any natives. Fortunately, my car is red ... which serves as cammo in this particularly dangerous part of America's Northeast. I once saw a Red Sox fan eat a rabid grizzly bear alive simply because the animal drooled on a Sox cap.
Poor little cub.

We make our way into Framingham with little trouble - E. is an excellent navigator. She recognized Skipper's house (nickname for the boat, not the Barbie doll) from the road and directed us in.
Skipper and her beau bought the lovely suburban abode and are in the process of renovating it. They are also acting landlords, renting out the top two floors.
I find all of this very grown up and impressive. Especially since some of my fondest memories of Skipper include a lot of drinking and a teeny tiny mermaid costume ... which I think would go perfectly with the house's color scheme.

We get a grand tour and a fantastic meal (every time we stop, people feed us. Maybe that 's why I like road trips to damn much). Another set of good ol' college buds drove in from around Boston to see us as well. I-Guy and Shoe-Girl, who are yet another domsticated couple! (I actually officiated their wedding)

We all did some catching up, then broke out the Guitar Hero, of which Shoe-Girl really is. She's this sweet looking pretty blonde, but plays a mean fake guitar. I like it when people are surprising.

Things are going swimmingly (sans the seashell bra) until I sit in front of a David Ortiz life-sized stand up. I immediately punch him in the nuts.
This of course starts a barrage of baseball animosity with Skipper ... I fume and spew nonsensical remarks like "I'd hit all the Red Sox with my car if I weren't afraid they'd leave imprints of their ugly faces on my grill" – all the while smiling, cause I'd missed our ridiculous (on her side) arguments over the Sox and Yanks.
She was smiling too ... but she still hid the Ortiz stand up before going to bed. Which is really too bad, cause I had all kind of plans for that thing.

Finally after a long day of traveling, it's time for bed. I set my alarm for 5:30 (yeah - a.m.) and dream about taking a leak on the Big Green Monster.

The Great Northeast Tour of Domesticated College Friends Part 1

2009-06-29T14:27:00.008-04:00

Leave it to me to turn a simple invite as a plus one into yet another road trip adventure. This one definitely had a theme - visit old college friends (who all happen to be of the domesticated persuasion - four couples in all!)

My best gal from college, E. needed some arm candy (and wheels) for another fellow alumn's wedding in Vermont. I'm a big fan of the couple getting married and of road trips, so this was a good fit. And I know E. was looking forward to three days and two nights of my superior jokes and excellent driving. Lucky chicky.

First stop — I headed south to Yonkers where E. could take a quick train up from NYC. Why Yonkers? Another fantastic o' college bud, "Emmy" just moved there with her hubby R. into one of those sweet apartments over looking the Hudson River. I'm calling her "Emmy" because she has one! While seeing this particular domesticated pair (who continue to demonstrate how married people can still be fun) is enough to make me smile, holding on to a real Emmy award ... that was something I thought I'd never do.

I might have showed up in an evening gown
... and made a wee speech when I picked the statue up.
... and maybe switched it out 'Indiana Jones' style for a bag of marbles ....
Friends should learn how to share.

We did some catching up, ate of course, took a walk then just as a giant boulder headed towards E. and I, we jumped in the car and headed north ... by way of north west.
We sped into Connecticut ... that dreaded wasteland where people go to become terrible drivers.
One hand on the wheel, the other flipping the bird ... cause that's how you signal in Connecticut, I narrowing made it through that land of nightmare traffic ... and into a whole other terrifying place.

Next stop — Massachusetts.

The Biggest Person

2009-06-25T10:29:00.003-04:00

After sharing an interesting story about a certain relationship that has soured my friend's response was one I get quite frequently.

She shook her head in disbelief and said, "You're a bigger person than me, I would have flipped out."

Ah, yes.
The bigger person.

I'm often labeled as such.
Not because I can do no wrong, but because I am quick to apologize if I feel I've done something inappropriate. Even if it is not something that would upset me, I can't help but say "I'm sorry you feel that way because of something I did" when other people are affected by my actions.

Being the bigger person includes accepting the faults of others and realizing we can't change the way they are.

In the end, she probably over reacted because she's a drama queen.
He probably said that because of his temper.
And maybe they put their foot in their mouth due to ignorance, not malice.

Being the bigger person is about acknowledging how little we impact the personalities of others. There is nothing we can do or say to change their ways.

Sure, we can call them horrific names, point out their hypocrisy, or refuse to ever speak with them again... but in the end they are who they are.

And yet, I can't help but wonder where we can find balance in this sort of scenario.

A place where we can weigh in as the bigger person, while also defending ourselves.

Because it seems that the more times I am hurt, or wronged, or treated unjustly... the more I hear how "big" I am.

Regardless of how small I actually feel.